The Need To Always Be Right Can Hurt Us All

David Hogan
Leeds, AL

Photo courtesy of Trustologie

A week later and media sources are STILL trying to find MORE wrong with the Covington, Ky students / Native American meeting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

There is PLENTY to learn.

• Maybe the Native American might have spoken in plain English to the young man instead of waiting until after to speak to press.
• Maybe the young man might have asked the elder if he wanted him to move or had anything to say.
• Maybe the school could admit to poor chaperoning
• Maybe those making a big deal about a hat and what it "means" to others might realize like it or not it is an expression of Free Speech and those griping also wear their symbols no matter how they try to scale one against the other.
• Maybe THIS, and Maybe THAT.

And MAYBE just maybe we ALL quit trying to one up the other "side" and maybe just maybe say hey we can do better, we can ask when we don't know, we can communicate in forms each of us CAN understand, IF we care enough to reach out.

Or just keep trying to BE RIGHT and let that cortisol building up take us to an early grave with I WAS RIGHT on our tombstones, THEN we can bitch about which tombstone is right.

The Power of SO WHAT in Dealing with Caregiver Anxiety

David Hogan
Leeds, AL

Photo courtesy of healthywomen.org

I have been a caregiver to different family members with various forms of dementia since 2006. I've shut down businesses to take care of loved ones, and continued running them as well. I am now retired and take care of my father in law with Alzheimer's 24/7. He is the last parent living for my wife and I, and he is 90 years old.

I run a Birmingham Area Facebook Support Group for Caregivers where we try and support one another, and provide resources and information to help one another insure our loved ones are well cared for at home, and that we, as caregivers learn to support ourselves.

People often say you must have to take it one day at a time while caring for someone with Alzheimer's.  I respond by gently telling them, "No, it's more like one minute at a time, as things often change with little notice or warning."

With that knowledge of change, it can bring about a lot of anxiety for caregivers.  What do I mean by anxiety for the caregiver?  I'll give a few examples:

• When will he go to the bathroom?
• He hasn't been to the bathroom in three days do I start the laxative, and how much?
• When is the best time to give the laxative?
• Did I feed him the wrong things and cause him to be constipated?
• He doesn't want to get out of bed, but he needs to move so he won't stove up, do I just get him up anyway?
• I don't think he is answering me truthfully about pain and just trying to please me and not wanting to be a bother, do I call the doctor?

And ON and ON it goes, as caregivers know all too well that almost every decision they make may be criticized by other family members and even worse by their own self.  Yes, caregivers can get into a rut of second guessing everything they do in all decisions.  Why?

No one can beat up on us like ourselves, and caregivers often blame themselves for things they have no control over.  Alzheimer patients at home can become irritable through no fault of anyone, even with us doing all the reassuring, soothing, calm and other suggestions told to us by professionals.  That's just one example.  Yet, we as caregivers also know there is an expert about everything out there on the internet and in support groups, so we think we should know it all.

GET OVER IT, ALREADY! BEND LIKE THE PALM TREES!

Sometimes they go to the bathroom just because they went to the bathroom. SO WHAT?  Everyone goes to the bathroom! Aside from making sure they are eating nutritious food, drinking plenty of water, getting ample movement, get over it already.  They will go when they go, and as long as it's not beyond what your doctor says is a reasonable interval, just deal with it when it happens.

Anxiety is feeling helpless over something.  Responsible acceptance is one of the answers to cope with caregiver anxiety.  If you know you are doing all the things doctors and experts are telling you to do, and paying close attention to things, accept that this is a horrible disease, and that you are like a palm tree in a hurricane that doesn't break because you can bend and know that not only are you doing the best that you can, but that you make a difference in the care of another human being.

We Can No Longer Trust Any News, So What Do We Do?

David Hogan
Leeds, AL

This retired journalist has waited a long time for news to rebound, to find its way in modern digital times, and the wait is over.

News can no longer be trusted, but it must still be protected, and it must still be read, only differently.

Years ago we all sat down before or after dinner, and we had our favorite network news station in ABC, CBS, or NBC, and many chose which station to watch based on the anchor person they liked.  However, they still knew the other networks would be airing pretty much the same news.

I could go into how ABC News Nightline changed the airwaves with night after night of the Iranian hostage crisis, or how CNN followed shortly thereafter with the birth of their 24/7 cable news network, but it seems we've had 24/7 news for so long now, that few see the significance of these changing events.  SO, what now?

Well we do have to mention that social media erupted and 24/7 news scrambled to get on board. And then there were the APPS, yes the apps for our smartphones, and we gobbled it up even with major news agencies still trying to figure out how to make money and deal with the blogger that the only real expense they have is the price of the internet and the price of web hosting.

Can we recognize that news is significantly different than before ABC News Night Line and CNN took to the airwaves?

There is very little news reporting that is not littered with opinion, conjecture, and leading the reader to pre-planned conclusions.  How can I substantiate those statements? They are validated by the 24/7 news cycle and the inability of news sources to simply report only what happened without making opinion a part of reporting, when it should be clearly separated from reporting, including being totally removed from all news desks.

The old model was more than enough, in fact it was wonderful.  The old model of reporting nothing more than factual news and having Sunday news talk shows, or evening news commentary clearly separated news reporting from news commentary.

We have insulted the entire American populace by thinking they must make immediate decision on all news and group them into categories that are now always aligned with political parties.

OK, but again, what now?

Learn!

Learn to recognize the play being made on us in so called news reporting.  Did they really get the other side of a story, or only a token comment as a show of being fair?  Was it even necessary to use the many adjectives used in a story title?  Does the news have to say that someone,"spun another big one", when the truth of the topic remains under investigation or has opposition? Can they not just report the damn news and leave opinions out?

Don't forget to question those that ask the questions!

Many will say that is the heart of investigative reporting and I don't buy that for a second.  What that is to journalism is LSJ (Lazy Shit Journalism), meaning the news is seeking public approval and accolades without the arduous and hard work of digging, interviewing, researching, asking questions in the background not in the spotlight.

There are journalist that want to do it right, but they are hamstrung by their bosses.

Modern day news can't seem to report without injected direction and opinion, so it's up to us to recognize the adjectives, and the careful move in a story toward calculated conclusions.  It's simply time we no longer trust the news, but must continue to listen to all of them to piece together a sense of truth, and we must do so as hardcore skeptics.

And lastly, this article is nothing more than my opinion, I feel good that I can admit that.  As Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book, "The Fifth Agreement", "Be skeptical but learn to listen."

My Bike Then, My Bike Now

David Hogan
Leeds, Al

I got my first bike later than most kids as we simply didn't have the money to buy bikes for four kids in our family. So, I walked, and I walked a lot, from the time I was in first grade, all the way up to about age 12, when I got a bike from money I saved cutting grass in the neighborhood.

Pretty soon I realized those walks I used to make in the summer from near Belcher Lumber Company in West End, over to Legion Field and other "far off" places to an adolescent, were now just a bike ride away. 

The bike to me at the ripe old age of 12 was independence and freedom!  It was also a way I cleared my head in solitude, as well as being a way to meet up with friends.

I recently read an article with the writer lamenting their feelings on why everyone doesn't "ride the right way" anymore.  Hmmmm.

Fast forward 46 years later and my bike(s) are still independence and freedom to me.  Additionally, they are a means to hook up with others and share a bike ride with friends. What they are not, is something where someone is going to tell me what I can ride, how I am supposed to ride, when I am supposed to ride, and who I am supposed to ride with.  To do so would be to spit in the face of the freedom and independence my bikes have brought to me for almost half a century!

You enjoy your ride, and I'll enjoy mine, and just maybe we'll have some great rides together too.